2011 is a wash

It has been a difficult year to say the least. Chemo every 2 weeks for 6 months. Reconstruction surgery and then surgery to clean an infection that developed in my abdomen. I haven't seen as much of my grandchildren as I would like, and I miss them all so very much. No telling what words of wisdom I'm missing from Miss E., Bubba doesn't really have much to say to me these days. That will change again as he gets a little older. Big D comes to visit the other day. Jumps out of his Daddy's truck, yells Mimi and immediately runs to hug the dog....He is being a typical 6 yr old. As he is leaving he says "I love you Mimi and Pepaw, even if you are old". How can you not love him?
I am hoping to visit Miss E. and Bubba very soon. I want to play with the kids. I want to read and sing and talk with them. Bubba has the most interesting ideas sometimes. I wish I had that kids vision.
I'm waiting patiently for 2012, I'm putting 2011 behind me and pretending it didn't even happen. Andrew should be home in Feb. or Mar. and the whole family will be in the States again. I would love to see a big family reunion. Dad, me, our kids and their spouses and most especially the grandbabies.

Cancer

The discovery of cancer sucks at anytime but when it's an emergency it's even worse. I thought I had the stomach flu, nothing stayed down, not a sip of water. Off to the ER we go. X-rays and cat scan later they send me home. 12 hours later it's back to the ER. Pain much worse, still vomiting, can't move. Another x-ray and cat scan with contrast. I have a tumor blocking my bowel. This leads to emergency surgery on Sunday morning. 3 days in ICU and 3 more days in the hospital. Tumor is cancerous. I have an iliostomy (?), not a lot of fun. I've started chemo, 2 down 10 more to go. I am only doing it for my 3 grandchildren. I want to see them grow up. I want more grandchildren.
Chemo causes serious fatigue and nausea. I am still not totally healed inside from the surgery. The cut me from stem to stern. I am unable to do much. Laundry is difficult, can't clean (hubby hired someone), can't cook. Nothing sounds good to eat and I'm not very hungry. I have a larger pharmacy in my room than most drug stores. I'm wasting the beautiful spring weather being inside sleeping. I'm bored with everything else but riding in the car is out of the question. Right now I pretty much hate my life, I should be healthy in about a year. Then a surgery to put me back together.