2011 is a wash

It has been a difficult year to say the least. Chemo every 2 weeks for 6 months. Reconstruction surgery and then surgery to clean an infection that developed in my abdomen. I haven't seen as much of my grandchildren as I would like, and I miss them all so very much. No telling what words of wisdom I'm missing from Miss E., Bubba doesn't really have much to say to me these days. That will change again as he gets a little older. Big D comes to visit the other day. Jumps out of his Daddy's truck, yells Mimi and immediately runs to hug the dog....He is being a typical 6 yr old. As he is leaving he says "I love you Mimi and Pepaw, even if you are old". How can you not love him?
I am hoping to visit Miss E. and Bubba very soon. I want to play with the kids. I want to read and sing and talk with them. Bubba has the most interesting ideas sometimes. I wish I had that kids vision.
I'm waiting patiently for 2012, I'm putting 2011 behind me and pretending it didn't even happen. Andrew should be home in Feb. or Mar. and the whole family will be in the States again. I would love to see a big family reunion. Dad, me, our kids and their spouses and most especially the grandbabies.

Cancer

The discovery of cancer sucks at anytime but when it's an emergency it's even worse. I thought I had the stomach flu, nothing stayed down, not a sip of water. Off to the ER we go. X-rays and cat scan later they send me home. 12 hours later it's back to the ER. Pain much worse, still vomiting, can't move. Another x-ray and cat scan with contrast. I have a tumor blocking my bowel. This leads to emergency surgery on Sunday morning. 3 days in ICU and 3 more days in the hospital. Tumor is cancerous. I have an iliostomy (?), not a lot of fun. I've started chemo, 2 down 10 more to go. I am only doing it for my 3 grandchildren. I want to see them grow up. I want more grandchildren.
Chemo causes serious fatigue and nausea. I am still not totally healed inside from the surgery. The cut me from stem to stern. I am unable to do much. Laundry is difficult, can't clean (hubby hired someone), can't cook. Nothing sounds good to eat and I'm not very hungry. I have a larger pharmacy in my room than most drug stores. I'm wasting the beautiful spring weather being inside sleeping. I'm bored with everything else but riding in the car is out of the question. Right now I pretty much hate my life, I should be healthy in about a year. Then a surgery to put me back together.

Frustration

Frustration, I wish I had some unbiased input on how to deal with this problem. I've said what I think I need to say to my son. I don't think he believes me but, I meant every word I said. I think I will be hiring an attorney soon. I'm going to sue for sole custody of my grandson. It's a simple situation really. He (son) is off again with Kate (his SO). I told him if he goes back to her I will sue for custody. I think he does a disservice to his son. Now she's your step-mother, now she's not, now she is. You get the idea. No more. How confusing for a child of divorce, I have a mom and a sometimes Step-mom. At the tender age of 5 he needs some stability in his life. He needs a home where he is always loved. We can do that, Pepaw and I. His mother and father can't at this point.

Green and other things

D comes into my room earlier and says Mimi, I'm sorry I broke your green thing. I had no idea what he was talking about. He said, I said sorry ok? I still didn't know what green thing he had in mind. I go into the kitchen and on the table in 3 pieces is I's green bug with the yellow legs. I told him that's ok. He didn't mean to. And it is a toy. It's kind of special to me. For I's 1st birthday we ordered kinder eggs (from Germany). They were rather expensive but nothing was to much for our 1st grandchilds 1st birthday. These kinder eggs are chocolate with a toy inside. The toys inside are interesting and nothing like a crackerjack prize. One of the toys was this green bug with suction feet. He has lived over our stove for many years now. I'm breaking out the super glue!

D is trying so hard to be a good boy. He has a hard time remembering all the rules. I'm sure he has so many to remember both here and at his mom's house. He went to the jumping place today! His first time, he had such a lot to tell me about! I had told B about this place before but until he made a call there he didn't realize what it was. He will become a regular I'm sure.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July. We will celebrate my father's birthday as well as Krista my little brother's significant other. What does one get for a SO? I'm kind of at a loss. Is a card enough? It seems a little tacky to me. I'm no good at things like this. I suppose I'll think of something. I hate gift giving. Gift certificates seem so impersonal. And what about my dad? When he wants something he goes out and buys it. I'm at a loss for him, as I always am.

kids

I wish I were more computer savvy. I get so lost.
I notice that B is very strict with D. Sometimes I want to tell him to relax a little. He's being 4. B was the same when he was 4. I wish the kids would listen to us. We raised successful kids. I'm very proud of.

I didn't sleep last night. I don't know why this is happening. I must tell the Dr about it on Monday. I hate the thought of changing meds or eliminating it.

Something that has been bothering me for a long time now. When I got married women didn't use their maiden name as their middle name. That has changed over time. I want to change my middle name to my maiden name. How do I do that. I'm not sure where to start. All my ID has and A for middle initial. Can I just go to the bank and change it? My drivers license has middle initial as A but it also has my maiden name. It just doesn't show on my license.